On The Road Now
by jonsamforever
Summary: Takes place immediately after season 2 finale. Now that the farm is lost the group has decided to move on to Fort Benning. As Rick struggles to get over his grief of losing Shane his relationship with Daryl blossoms into something wonderful. Rick/Shane, Rick/Daryl, AU, Angst, Spoilers. Final Chapter Now Posted!
1. On The Road Now

Title: **On The Road Now  
**Rating: M  
Pairing/Characters: Shane Walsh, Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon  
Warnings: spoilers, language, slash, same-sex pairing  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Summary: As Rick struggles to get over his grief of losing Shane his relationship with Daryl blossoms into something wonderful. Takes place immediately after episode 2.13. Rick/Shane/Daryl, AU, Slash

It's been two days now since that fateful night that the farm was lost. The farm. Rick's beloved safe haven, now gone forever. The night that no one dares talk about for fear of going insane. Rick is struggling to find another safe place for everyone. The survivors have been lucky; they haven't come across any walkers since that night. But Rick knows all too well that could change any minute. And the group knows it too. Glenn and Maggie finally talked Rick into going to pick up gas and supplies. (Maggie knew exactly where to go.) And they've been living on the road ever since. They managed to live successfully on the small amount of supplies that Lori and the girls packed in the truck before they escaped from the farm. Even the small amount of provisions Carol had packed for Randall helped. There was enough for one person to last for a few days but they've rationed well. Glen and Maggie return with the supplies and Rick helps them unload some from the Hundai as they prepare to set up a camp for the evening. He sits in the front passenger seat and opens the glove compartment hoping there might be some food or water in there. His hope is quickly ended when he only finds papers. He sifts through the papers with his hand, mostly manuals and such. He notices one piece of paper on top that looks different, new. It's a letter, written recently, carefully folded up. He picks the paper out of the glove compartment and steps out of the car. Slowly he opens the paper and a feeling of shock comes over him at what he reads:

"Dear Rick, if you are reading this I'm probably dead and my plan worked. I just wanted you to know that I wanted to die. And I wanted you to be the one to take care of it but I knew well that you would never do that for me. So the only way I could do it was to trick you like I did. I'm sorry for that Rick but there was no other way for me. The truth is Rick that I had been planning this for a while now. Ever since I killed Otis. I've been thinking about it on and off but after our fight on all the time. I wanted to thank you Rick for coming back for me on that bus. I guess I never got a chance to. I want to tell you something else that I never got a chance to. Something you might not have realized but the truth is that I killed Otis for you Rick. I had to do it to save Carl for you. I knew that losing Carl would have killed you so I did what I had to do, the only thing I could do, in order to keep him alive. When I think about it Rick everything I did, I did for you. Rick I don't even know if you will ever find this note. And even if you do, I have no reason to believe that you'd want to read it. Just know that I missed our life together when it was just me and you. I missed the care free days when it was just us. And for what it's worth I loved you. I always loved you, even more than I loved myself. The day you got shot I was a wreck. I wasn't sure you were gonna make it. And then when I had to leave you at the hospital it nearly killed me. The only thing that kept me alive then was keeping Lori and Carl safe for you. But now that is your job. I can't live this life of hell anymore. Please keep the group together and try to keep me in mind. But remember me the way things were before the world went to shit. Remember me in the old days before you met Lori. How we used to get drunk and stay up all night and laugh. Remember all of it Rick because you are my world. And it's because of you that I'm a mess now. I'm nothing I'm nowhere. I thought I could be strong for you but I can't, I'm weak. I couldn't bring myself to just end it all so I left it up to you. Funny aint it? I had the balls to kill Otis for you and kill Randall for the group but I couldn't off myself. I hope you can forgive me for that. Please understand that I only slept with Lori because I thought you were dead. Lori told me that she wasn't even sure who the father of the baby is. If the baby is mine I hope you can give it all the love and nurturing that you've given Carl. He's a good kid. I tried to be a father to him the best I could when you were gone, Rick. Again I am so sorry for everything. For sleeping with Lori, for our fights, for throwing that wrench at you. You know I missed you by a mile on purpose."

Rick smiled knowing how true that was. He had known all along that there was never any real threat from Shane but Shane had managed to fool him in that field. Rick's face went pale. He felt his knees buckle but managed to stay on his feet. His weak knees trembling. He stared straight ahead blankly just thinking about everything. Their life together. Everything they had been through. And he knew that he loved Shane also. He always loved Shane. The tears finally started to pour and Rick leans over the hood of the Hyundai and pounds on the roof with one fist, the other hand clutching onto the note for dear life. "Damn you Shane damn you!" He looks at the note and reads the last words on the page. "I want to know if you will do me one last favor and keep this group together. Don't let it get broken. Just like you said at Dale's funeral. I'm sorry I tricked you Rick. I'm sorry for everything – Love you always, Shane." He pulls away from the car and arches his back his face pointed toward the sky as if Shane is up there somewhere. "Damn you Shane!" He yells with all the force his lungs can muster, his throat dry. His knees finally give way and he goes down to the ground. On his hands and knees now, he sobs softly, "Damn you Shane." He can see his tears hitting the ground. Falling in the dry dirt. Small specks of water. Memories of him and Shane together flood his mind and he tries to shut if off. But he can't shut it off. Shane is part of him, Shane will always be part of him. Oh how he wishes he could go back and relive that night in the field. How come he didn't know what Shane was up to? How could he not know that Shane was in so much pain? "It's not my fault," he cries. "I didn't know. Damn you Shane how could I have known you were so alone?" He thinks back and remembers what Shane said in the field, "What you know about what I can live with? You got no idea what I can live with, what _I_ live with." Shane was right. "'Raise your gun,' He said to me," Rick thinks. "Raise your gun!" and Rick played right into Shane's hands. Just like he's always played into Shane's hands. Everything he did, he did for Shane. Shane, his best friend who he loved the most. Shane, the man who he sometimes wished he was. Single and carefree, no kids, no wife to worry about. All that dark curly hair. He shuts his eyes and tries to shut it off again but it's no use. Shane was so distant in the end. How could Rick have known? Shane had built a wall around himself that nobody could climb. Rick wishes with all his might that it wouldn't have ended the way it did and he feels his heart breaking.

For now he needs time to grieve. Time to heal. They are on the road now and it will be hard but Rick will do it. He always has. It's Rick's survival mechanism. Something that Shane never had.

By now everyone knows about the note. It's been passed around the whole group with different reactions. Most of them just with sadness and mourning and feelings of sorrow for Rick. No one is judgmental. Even Lori thinks she can find it in herself to forgive Rick now that she knows what really happened. That Shane wanted to end his own life. Daryl had approached Rick after he heard about the note. "You two had a history, I get it Rick" He looked at Rick in the eyes and wrapped his arms around him sincerely, "I'm sorry man," Rick returned the hug and Daryl pulled away from Rick and walked away slowly looking back only once at those captivating blue eyes. Daryl admires Rick tremendously and he feels it pull inside of him like a hunger pain.

It's day three now and the group comes across a few abandoned cars on the highway. Another small graveyard. A dark Saturn Aura and a couple of older model cars. They stop only long enough to sift through the cars for any kind of supplies they can use. Glenn and Maggie go through the Aura. They find an iPhone and a laptop. A lot of good a laptop will do them with no internet and no electricity. The iPhone still has half a battery life on it.

"Does it have any music on it?" Glen asks Maggie, her legs hanging out of the car door, her face looking intently at the iPhone.

"Lemme see," She flips through the iPhone's cover view with her finger, "Lady Gaga, Bon Iver, Madonna, and Band of Horses."

"I wonder if there's a way to charge it." Glen asks as he looks down the road, squinting, his hand shielding the light from his eyes.

"Oh wait it has movies on it too!" Maggie says excitedly like a kid, as if she's never seen a movie before.

"Cool what movies?

"'Knocked Up' with Seth Rogen?" She looks at Glenn.

"I loved that movie!" He says laughing

"I've never seen it"

"Oh my gosh you _have_ to see it. Do you think there's enough battery in it to watch the whole movie?"

"I don't know but we can find out." That night the two of them watched the movie by the fire in the camp that Rick had set up for everyone. Their heads leaning together each wearing one side of the headphones in their ear. Both of them covered with a small blanket they picked up with the supplies. It was a nice little treat; a small escape from the madness. But it was also a sad reminder of a civilization that once was. That has now come to an end. And these were the last remnants of it. Rick sits by the fire and looks across at the young couple. He thinks about Shane. Shane his best friend now gone forever. He tries to comfort himself.

"If it hadn't been me that did it a walker woulda probably got him anyways. Maybe it was better this way," He thinks to himself. His heart is still broken but it will take time to heal. More time than this crazy new world has to give Rick.

Beth sees the pain in Rick's eyes and sits next to him. She rests a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "You're thinking about Shane aren't you?"

"Yeah…always,"

"Andrea once said to me, 'The pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it.'"

Rick stops and looks her in the eyes, the firelight flickering across her flawless pale skin. "She was right" He says. He gets up and walks a few steps away into the darkness. His back facing the fire. He is determined to keep this group together. "We just need to find a place. Someplace safe, but where?" He thinks to himself. The fire crackles behind him, the wind blows and this unforgiving new world laughs at Rick. They are on the road now. No place to bathe or eat or use the bathroom. Time to go to sleep it's another long day of searching tomorrow.


	2. Closer Than Before

Chapter Two

**Closer Than Before  
**

The next morning Rick awakens with a renewed sense of confidence. He feels that the group trusts him more, now that they know the truth about what happened to Shane the night they lost the farm. His heart still aches for Shane but he feels the need to push on. His mind drifts to thoughts of Shane. How they used to sit and talk in the squad car eating burgers and fries. How Shane would gingerly reach over and scoop a dollup of the ketchup from Rick's burger onto his french-fry. It was those fleeting moments that Rick would miss the most. He will always have memories of Shane with him. Shane is part of him now. Everyone wakes from the hardness of the ground, grumbling. The group is weak and tired and hungry. But he's got to keep them together. "Keep this group together," That's what Shane asked of him. And he promises that he will honor that request for Shane. He will fight for survival until there is no breath left in his body. He looks around at the group, everyone reluctantly getting their things together for another day of searching. He thinks back to him and Shane walking in the woods on the farm and remembers something Shane said to him about staying at the farm to look for Sophia: "We could be halfway to Fort Benning by now ….."

"Fort Benning" He says under his breath. He says it more loudly now, "Fort Benning!" Everyone turns their head to look at Rick. Rick walks towards Daryl with a swiftness in his step. A new found purpose. "Fort Benning," He says, talking fast, "We gotta get to Fort Benning, it's in Columbus, Daryl where's that map?"

"It's in the trunk of the Hundai," Glenn says and Rick turns to go look. Daryl and Glenn follow him excitedly. Rick opens the trunk and searches for the map. Finding it quickly, he opens the thin paper and spreads it out.

"But I thought those guys from Randall's group said it was overrun?" Glenn says.

"Those _geeks_ from Randall's group said it was overrun but that's _horseshit_. We gotta make a try for it."

Glenn and Daryl look at each other. Glenn has doubt in his eyes but Daryl is willing to follow Rick to the ends of the earth. But Glenn _will_ go along with Rick. He is the leader now and this isn't a democracy. Rick slams the trunk of the Hundai.

"Outstanding" Daryl says.

* * *

On one of the stops to Fort Benning Rick and Daryl decide to go out in the woods to do some hunting for the group. Supplies are low now and they need to eat whatever they can get their hands on. The group is worn out and hungry and Rick thinks they might as well take advantage of the resources around them. Even though the game in the woods is scarce and the Georgia air is getting colder. Rick and Daryl sit on a downed tree trunk and chat about the farm, about walkers, about life before this crazy new world that is their lives now. The conversation of course shifts somehow to Shane like it always does with Rick. Like it always will with Rick.

Daryl looks over at Rick and makes a confession that surprises Rick a little, "You put a lot of trust in Shane. I was always jealous of that." He says as he plays with a stick in his hands.

"_You_ were jealous? Why?"

"I dunno ever since I hooked up with this motley crew I guess I just wished you and I would have become closer friends. But Shane was always your main man." He breaks off a piece of stick and throws it.

Rick looks at Daryl in the eyes. He's never thought of him in this way before. Maybe there's something there. Something that could be like Shane but...different. He hasn't known Daryl as long as Shane that's for sure. But then again his relationship with Daryl is intensified because of this crazy, walker-world that they've had the privilege of meeting in. He has always liked Daryl. He could never talk about the old high school days with Daryl like he did with Shane. But Daryl _does_ know this world. And he knows what Rick has been through. With Daryl it's so new, just like the new world they live in.

"I guess you're right Daryl I never thought of that. I apologize."

"Hey don't sweat it man it's all good," He gives Rick a playful punch in the arm

"Daryl, things are gonna change from now on. I don't want what happened with Shane to happen again to anyone. I want everyone in the group's needs to be taken care of." He says as he looks Daryl in the eyes. He rests a hand on Daryl's shoulder and Daryl feels a gentle warm sensation go down his arm that gives him comfort.

Daryl looks into Rick's intense blue eyes, "Rick you're a good guy. I always admired you. Even when you told me you handcuffed my piece-of -shit brother up." He laughs, "I knew you just did it to protect everyone. And then when you went back to find him I knew I wanted us to be friends. Shit I wish I could be more like you." He stares into Rick's serene blue eyes. Those damn blue eyes that have the power to hypnotize a man and take over the world. He looks away from Rick's eyes, breaking the gaze. Afraid that Rick might read what he's thinking.

"Thank you for saying that Daryl. I appreciate it. Hey, if you ever need to talk, about anything, I'm here for ya okay?"

"Okay brother and same goes for you."

"Okay sounds good."

They hear a rustling in the leaves and both men sit up intently, always afraid of the threat of walkers. They see a rabbit spring out of the brush. Daryl raises his bow, "I got this one," He says, and he hits the rabbit with military precision. They look at each other and smile.

"Outstanding." Rick says

Both men stand up and walk back to the camp together. Closer than before. Stronger than before.


	3. A Place To Stay

Chapter Three

**A Place To Stay  
**

The group is still on the road and it feels as though they might never reach Fort Benning. Rick has been out hunting with Daryl several times now. Both men always manage to bring back some meager scraps for the group to eat. It's daybreak now and Rick's mind wanders to thoughts of Shane again. "I've got to get over this," He thinks to himself. "Shane's gone now. He wanted to die and that's just the way it is." Maybe it would help if he talked to Lori about Shane. That night he approaches Lori.

Away from the camp fire and the group Rick comes up behind Lori and warps his arms around her, feeling her belly. They've been distant lately but they always recover. "Lori I need to know that we're good" Rick says, his voice raspy.

"Of course we're good." She says.

He turns her around to face him and wraps his arms around her thin frame. "I mean about Shane"

She looks intently into his eyes and nods.

Rick gazes into her dark, smoldering eyes. He feels the tears start to well up inside of his own. Lori looks at him as if she can feel his pain.

"It was Shane that you loved wasn't it?" She asks.

Rick looks at the ground and then back at Lori, his face full of all the sadness of missing Shane, "Yeah….still."

"Well I loved him too," She says, her voice almost a whisper

He pulls her into him and holds her even tighter. "Rick, I'm so sorry I came between the two of you. I never meant to. You have to believe me."

Rick strokes her long dark hair, comforting her. "Shhhh…There's nothing we can do about it now. Everything's already been said and done and Shane's gone." He breaks away and puts his hand on her stomach. "This baby, if it's Shane's were gonna raise it as our own."

"Of course we are." She looks at Rick in the eyes. Her eyes as sad as Rick's, "If it's his it's all we have left of him."

"No….we also have memories. And were gonna share those memories with our child. We will honor Shane that way, we owe it to him." He pauses and looks at Lori. "_I_ owe it to him."

* * *

When the group finally reaches Fort Benning it's unbelievably clear except for the stray walker here and there that Daryl takes care of with his cross bow. Lori and Rick look at each other smiling with excitement. Is this it, have they found it? Have they found a safe place? A Place to stay, a place to grieve and place to live? If only for a little while?

There are abandoned military tanks and cars strewn around the outside perimeter.

They open the doors and search the complex thoroughly. It is eerily vacant but it makes sense knowing what they know now about everyone being infected. They find two separate communal shower areas. One for women and one for men. There's a kitchen and they know they finally hit the jackpot when they find several storage areas filled with MRE's…and soda…and liquor. Liquor…oh how Rick has missed the drink. They all miss it. The comforts of the old civilization. Of home. Beneath the complex there's a large basement set up with gas powered generators much like the CDC. Glen and T-Dog approach Rick after a thorough search.

"All the walkers that didn't get shot through the head must have left." Glenn says.

T-Dog looks at Rick, "Whatever happened here, we missed it." He says. "Looks like they tried to barricade the doors here," Pointing to the half welded shut, broken metal.

As pleased as Rick is to find this place he knows it is only temporary. They still need to find a place like the farm. Where they can plant and grow food. A place with renewable resources. He knows the MRE's and the gas won't last. He stares blankly ahead at T-Dog and Glenn. Both men look at their leader with a knowledge as if they can read his mind.


	4. For You

Chapter Four**  
**

**For You**

It's been a long day for Rick today. A long day of searching for gas and supplies for the complex. A long day of hoping. A long day of waiting for an absolution. Rick is beat. He walks into the locker room and prepares to take a nice long hot shower. It's been so nice these past couple of weeks being able to shower. Just having some stability has given the group a renewed sense of hope, he feels. He undresses, puts a towel around his waist and walks slowly to the shower room. He hangs his towel on one of the hooks and turns the water on. He leans his head back letting the water flow over his body in the dimly lit room. As always, his mind drifts to thoughts of Shane. He thinks back to all the awful things Shane said to him in the field. Things he now knows Shane didn't mean. "You got a weak boy, I'm a better father than you. I'm a better man than you" He feels the tears well up in his eyes. "Damn you Shane you knew all the right buttons to push. You knew me and you knew those words would hurt me just enough to drive a blade right into your heart you bastard." He sobs softly. And he thinks to himself that Shane might as well have stabbed _him_ in the heart. No one will ever know his pain. No one will ever know. He hears the noise of someone coming and he quickly puts his head under the spray of the water to hide his tears. He coughs and straightens up and is surprised to see Daryl walk up to the shower right beside him. Daryl takes off his towel, hangs it on a hook and turns on the water. The two men standing just an arms length apart.

"Hey Rick hows it goin?"

"Good, good," He says, trying to sound like a man that wasn't just crying a few moments ago.

"Hey guess what me and Glenn figure we have enough MRE's in this dump to last us at least a few months here."

"That's good Daryl. Good work" He chokes

Rick has taken a few showers here so far but never with Daryl together. He looks at Daryl's body and notices the mark from his injury when he went out looking for Sophia on the farm, "That where the arrow went in?" He points to the quarter sized scar on Daryl's abdomen.

"Yeah" Daryl says and he feels a shock run through his body when Rick reaches over and slowly rubs his wet thumb over the raised pink scar.

"It looks like it healed up pretty good." Rick says. He pulls his hand away, suddenly feeling the guilt rise up inside his throat as if it were choking him, "If it wasn't for me leading the group on some wild goose chase for Sophia that would have never happened to you."

"Come on now Rick none of us could have done it any different," Stumbling over his words, "And I wanted to help out with Sophia man. That was me not you buddy." He says, trying to bring comfort to Rick. Daryl knows how down Rick has been on himself about the way he's led the group. He especially knows how down Rick has been about Shane. He's tried to get him to forget Shane although Rick doesn't even realize it. "I _wanted_ to help you out with Sophia. Don't get it mixed up man."

"You wanted to help _**me**_ with Sophia?" Rick says feeling a little confused, "I always thought you were doing it for Carol."

"Nah man for you," Daryl says and he gently touches his wet finger to Rick's chest, water running off the end of his fingertip.

Rick feels his heart skip a beat as he hears the words. He looks at Daryl's body and notices how similar it is to his own. Just like how similar his and Shane's bodies were. He thinks to himself how he'll never be able to take a shower like this with Shane again. Like they used to at the station house. "We're so similar," He says out loud.

"What?" Daryl asks, acting as if the water spray is too loud for him to hear, even though he heard Rick the first time.

Rick leans over talking louder now, "I was just noticing how we're so similar," And he moves his hand pointing to his own body and then quickly to Daryl's and back to his. Rick turns his head and looks blankly at the beads of water accumulating on the wall; his mind drifts again to Shane. Daryl sees the hurt in Rick's eyes and he intuitively _knows_ that Rick is thinking of Shane.

Daryl tries to joke with Rick to get his mind off Shane, "Hey, let's see who's taller."

Rick looks at Daryl, "Okay"

Daryl steps close and stands toe to toe with Rick, their bodies brushing against each others slightly, toes touching. Rick can feel the heat of Daryl's body, barely touching against his own. He feels the warm water spraying down on both of them and he can't take it any longer, "Looks like we're about the same," He says laughing as he pulls away nervously, but desperately wanting to stay there close to Daryl. He needs a friend so badly right now but everything about Daryl is reminding him of the feelings he had for Shane. And Rick is so afraid. Afraid of getting too close. Afraid of being hurt again. Their jocularity reminds Rick of the old days with Shane. How much fun they used to have. His mind thinks back once more to Shane in the field and a needling voice comes back to him, "I'm a better man than you, Rick." His eyes start to tear up again. Afraid that Daryl will notice, he turns his back to him. He puts his head down and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand sniffling. The warm water from the shower head pounds against his back and runs down his legs. Daryl doesn't miss anything and he reaches out and gently grasps Rick's forearm from behind.

"Hey buddy what's wrong?" He says softly. Rick doesn't answer but Daryl knows too well what Rick's thinking about.

"Shane?" Daryl asks with just one word.

The tears start to flow freely from Rick's eyes now, "Yeah….. I just can't stop thinking about him."

"Shhh hey man don't be like that, Rick. It's gonna take time. Shit man I get it. But just like you said he did it to himself, it was his own fault."

Daryl's words are tender and soothing but Rick still feels a sickness in his stomach bubbling up like he might throw up. "I know, I know I just….It's just hard."

Daryl slowly lets go of Rick's arm, looking at him dejectedly. His heart aches for Rick and he wishes there was something he could do to take all his pain away. He realizes that it's going to be a while before Rick is back to normal again. And he thinks to himself that regretfully, he might not _ever_ break through to Rick. Things are so different now than they were on the farm. Daryl reaches up and slowly turns off his shower. He pulls his towel from the hook, wraps it around his torso and slowly walks back to the lockers. Wanting the whole time to stay there with Rick, just the two of them alone and safe and close. Rick watches as Daryl leaves. "Daryl wait, stay here," He thinks to himself. But the words never come out. He stands there alone now staring at the tiles on the wall. The water streaming over his head. The tension hanging in the shower room like a spider web waiting to capture both men inside of it.


	5. Daryl's Wish

Chapter Five**  
**

**Daryl's Wish**

Months have passed now and the group continues to stay on at Fort Benning. Daryl and Rick have grown remarkably closer. They talk and laugh and get drunk together. But the pain of losing Shane still tugs at Rick's heart. He thinks about Shane often. His smile. His dark, curly hair. His stubbornness. He tries not to talk about Shane anymore around Daryl. Deep down Rick realizes that he will always long for Shane. He sometimes thinks about the kind of man he has become in this unforgiving new world after Shane's death. Hard and unthinking and unconscientious. He doesn't want to be that man. Has his heart died? No, it's still beating inside of him. It's just broken in two. And his grief for Shane and this whole crazy, fucked up world have smashed it to pieces and there's nothing left for him. Will he ever heal? Who or what has that kind of power to heal him? Time? Daryl?

Rick and Daryl plan to go out looking for more gas and supplies today. Rick knows the gas won't last forever. He thinks back and remembers something Jenner said when the group was at the CDC: "The world runs on fossil fuel. How stupid is that?" He pushes the thought to the back of his head. As the two men walk side by side Rick decides to take the opportunity to talk to Daryl as the leader of the group and his new best friend. The air is cold and Rick digs his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Daryl, listen I know we haven't seen any walkers in a long time now but we can't let our guard down."

"Believe me buddy I hear ya."

"I mean it man we gotta stay frosty."

"I know Rick, I've got your back. Hey man as long as I'm alive and we're together you don't have to worry about that." He says, and he looks at Rick in those handsome blue eyes. He wonders if Rick still thinks about Shane. He hasn't mentioned him in a while. Not like he used to, "Hey Rick, you know the first time I saw those blue eyes of yours I almost melted." He says jokingly and he reaches out and playfully flicks his finger under Rick's chin. Rick just laughs. "Hey, speaking of frosty it's fucking cold out here. I'm freezing my balls off." He laughs as he slaps Rick playfully on the back. "Imma take a piss."

"Okay" Rick says, "I'm gonna walk ahead and see if there's anything in that store up there."

"Go ahead man I'll catch up."

Rick sometimes never knew if Daryl was kidding or not but that's what he loves about him. Daryl never fails to surprise him and for Rick that was part of Daryl's charm. It was also what made Daryl so different from Shane. For the most part Rick always knew what Shane meant when he spoke. Always knew what Shane was thinking. Except that night in the field. He closes his eyes and tries to shut his mind off from Shane. As charismatic as Shane was maybe Daryl is a nicer person than Shane. Maybe Daryl cares about people more. All Shane ever cared about was Rick. Almost to the point of obsession. Sometimes that scared Rick away from Shane. But deep down Rick knows that he loved Shane equally as much as Shane loved him. Rick thinks about Shane's words to him in the note: "Everything I did, I did for you," The words pull at his heart so much sometimes that he can't think of anything else. He's missed having someone like that in his life. Having a friend that cared as much about him as Shane did. He's missed that enormously.

Daryl leans against the hood of one of the abandoned cars and relieves himself. He goes to catch up to Rick and his face turns to horror when he sees a walker come from behind the car seemingly out of nowhere. It all happens so fast. The walker immediately goes after him. Daryl tries to grab for his crossbow but he stumbles backwards on a parking block and falls to the ground along with the weapon. It hits the ground just out of his reach. The walker lunges at him and grabs for his throat. Daryl holds the walker away from him, pushing desperately with all his might. The corpse just inches from his face. Snarling like a rabid animal. It's hideous, grey teeth snapping. Daryl lets out a scream and Rick hears it in the distance. "Daryl!" he says out loud. He runs as fast as his legs can carry him and he gasps in shock as he sees Daryl struggling with the walker, his crossbow on the ground just inches out of reach. As he runs towards Daryl he raises his gun and shoots the walker directly in the back of the head. Rick's shot never misses. Rick runs over to where Daryl lays with the dead corpse on top of him and before a second passes he pushes the disgusting, dead thing off Daryl's body and grabs Daryl up in his arms tightly. "Are you okay, were you bit? Are you hurt?" He says, breathing heavily from the run, realizing how close he just came to losing Daryl. Realizing that he doesn't want to ever lose Daryl like he lost Shane.

"Rick I'm okay, I'm alright. He didn't get me," Daryl says loudly, almost in shock at Rick's reaction. Rick's heart fills to _overflowing_ with feelings of closeness with Daryl that he's never felt before. Daryl, now his best friend. Daryl, who's tried to break through to him so many times but he was too grief stricken and stupid to realize it.. Rick rocks Daryl back and forth and his tears start to fall onto Daryl's shoulder. Daryl accepts the hug deeply and hugs Rick back enjoying the closeness that he's longed for. This was Daryl's wish. Had he finally broken through to Rick in some extraordinary way by almost getting killed by a walker?

"Daryl that was way too close brother" He says into Daryl's shoulder still rocking him. He breathes in and smells Daryl's skin. It smells sweet and clean and he thinks to himself that he could smell that smell forever. For the first time since Shane's death Rick doesn't think about Shane. He thinks about the future. About this new world they live in, here and now. He thinks about Daryl and his life with him together. As best friends. Maybe this is as it should be. Maybe somehow this was meant to be. The two men embrace each other for several more moments. Enjoying this new found closeness. Enjoying the epiphany. They are both content now. And Rick sobs into Daryl's shoulder with all the emotion of a broken man healed. A man with deep blue eyes like the sea after a storm. A man who has the power to hypnotize a person's soul and take over the world.


	6. It's You

Chapter Six

**It's You**

Months have passed and Rick realizes that the group has stayed on at Fort Benning longer than he had planned. He feels the burden of civilization is upon the group. The world is gone and the only redeeming quality left is people. Rick knows there is an enormous importance placed upon the choices that they make now. It is the utmost importance to care for one another in this new world.

There is tension brewing in the group. Carol feels that they should search for Andrea because she believes she is still out there alive somewhere. Maggie knows if that happens then Glenn will volunteer to go as "walker bait" as usual. Her concern is for Glenn and it is justified. Rick had set up a separate room with a bed and a desk for him to sleep in alone, away from Lori and Carl specifically for nights when he was drunk. Or for nights that he just wanted to be alone with his sorrows for Shane. Lori didn't mind. She knows of Rick's grief and she feels powerless over it. Rick and Daryl are closer now than they've ever been and Rick feels a connection to Daryl like no other. He thinks to himself that Daryl is similar to Shane in many ways but also so different. He can be stubborn like Shane but he has a softness to him that Shane never had. Daryl is tender and quiet at times and he loves that about him. Rick has even given Daryl some new clothes and shoes that he picked up especially for him on one of his outings searching for supplies. Just some sweaters and shirts and a few pairs of jeans, dress pants and shoes that he found in an abandoned men's store. He was so tired of seeing Daryl in those damn sleeveless shirts. He still thinks about Shane everyday although he hides it from Daryl.

His attempt at hiding his grief is in vain however. Daryl sees the pain in Rick's eyes when they are out searching for provisions and gas. And at this point Daryl feels close enough to Rick that he knows Rick's mind and his thoughts. Rick's heart is a different story though. Daryl feels as though he'll never get inside the man's heart. There's too much in there. It's too dark and crowded with sentiment for Shane right now and there's no room for anyone else inside. Daryl sometimes feels that Rick has decided to keep the group at Fort Benning because it was Shane's idea. And maybe in some way that keeps Shane alive for him. Rick keeps Shane's letter tucked away inside the desk in his special room. Some nights Rick gets so sad and he stays up late in his room privately reading Shane's letter over and over repeatedly like a person obsessed. Daryl knows it though. He's seen it and it drives him crazy.

It's late and the group is getting ready to sit down for dinner in the kitchen. T-Dog asks Daryl to go get Rick for their evening meal. It's one of those nights and Daryl knows exactly where to find Rick. He walks down the hallway to Rick's separate room, the door is opened a crack. He quietly pushes the door open enough to look in and he sees Rick sitting at the desk reading Shane's note. "Hey buddy everyone's ready for dinner. You're really late. You okay?"

"Oh, yeah I'm okay I'll be there in a minute," He says as he opens a desk drawer and carefully puts the letter inside it, hoping Daryl didn't notice. After dinner Rick returns to his special room and Shane's letter and Daryl returns to his own room with a bottle of liquor. Daryl paces back and forth in his room. It drives him crazy that Rick is in there alone.

"Dammit why doesn't he come to my room?" he says and he takes a swig of whiskey that was found at the complex. "I could comfort him." He thinks to himself, "I could help him forget Shane." He looks in his mirror on the wall and takes another swig of whiskey. "Sittin in there in his room, sittin in there in his room, Reading that note," He says out loud. He takes another swig of whiskey and spits it out at the mirror. The liquid runs down in streaks and he stares at his smeared reflection and feels a tear roll down his cheek. "Damn you Rick" He thinks to himself. "And damn you Shane!" He feels his heart pulling apart at the seams. The drink making him drunker and drunker still. "Rick is my friend now dammit, he's my friend" He says as he looks in the mirror and pokes himself in the chest. He opens his door and storms out. He walks down the hallway to Rick's room and pounds on the door. "Rick open up." He says, not caring who hears.

The door opens slowly. Rick stands in the doorway wearing only his boxer shorts. Daryl looks down and sees Shane's note in Rick's hand."Daryl brother whats up?" He says noticing that Daryl is wearing one of the shirts he gave him.

Daryl pushes himself into Rick's room and shuts the door behind him. Rick stumbles back with a look of surprise on his face. He's never seen Daryl this drunk or upset before. At least not at him. "What's up I'll tell you what's up, this is what's up" he reaches out and snatches the note from Rick's hand. "This is what's up." He says again and he holds the piece of paper up high in the air, "Daryl no!" Rick cries and he desperately grabs for the note. Daryl crumples the precious note with one hand and throws it down on the cold ground of the complex hard. Rick falls to his knees scrambling to pick it up as if it were a treasure that he'd lost. Rick feels the ache inside of himself and he starts to sob. "Daryl how could you?" He says, flattening out the note carefully.

"How could I?" Daryl says defiantly, "How could you? How do you keep thinking about a guy who's gone? I'm sick of this shit. How can you still care about Shane when I'm here and I'm alive? I'm here for you Rick but you just can't see it." He waves his arms. "I care about you now Rick. I thought it was me and you but no it's always Shane. Every time it's always Shane. You were always forgiving him, always giving him second chances. Hey, just so you know you're pining over a man who tried to _kill you_ in case you forgot."

Rick looks up at Daryl, "He didn't try to kill me he wanted me to kill _him_." He sobs.

"Oh right, I forgot I read your _darling_ Shane's letter." He says sarcastically

Rick hears the words and it feels like salt being poured into a wound, "What do you think Daryl? Do you think this has been fun for me? I killed my best friend for Christ sake. And when Shane was alive do you think it was a _treat_ for me putting up with him? All his stubbornness and his moods? All his problems?"

Daryl interrupts, "Then why do you still think about him all the time then?" He yells.

A dead silence suddenly fills the room and Rick looks up at Daryl with tears streaming down his face. He rocks slowly back and forth cuddling the note to his chest. "Because…I…loved him," He says softly through his tears. His words stinging with all the emotion of a grieving man. A man whose best friend is forever lost to a cruel world that hurts and mocks him..

"I still love him" Rick says, sobbing harder now. His eyes are bloodshot and the tears start to run into his mouth. He stops rocking back and forth. He tastes his salty tears as he speaks "Daryl you'll never know, you just don't understand. Everything we went through." Rick lifts the note and looks at it, "This is all I have left of him," He says, "I don't even have a picture of him."

"Man Rick you're in love with a ghost. I mean look at yourself. You might as well have died right along side him."

"Daryl _please stop_" Rick says sobbing.

"Jesus buddy" Daryl says, almost in shock looking at Rick, a strong leader, now a crumpled mess on the floor. Daryl doesn't understand. He's lost a brother but it's not the same. Daryl and Merle were never that close. But he thinks to himself in this moment that this is probably how he would react to losing Rick. A sudden feeling of understanding comes over him and he looks down at Rick, a mess on the ground and in pain. And even in his drunkenness he feels his anger and jealousy for Shane subside and it is replaced with a different feeling. A feeling of love and compassion for Rick and he can't believe that he was just so insensitive in his inebriated state. He realizes that he might not understand the pain of losing Shane but all he knows is that he doesn't ever want to lose Rick. And in his jealous rage he's hurt Rick.

Daryl holds his hand out to Rick to help him up off the ground. Rick takes Daryl's hand and slowly stands with his assistance. The moment Rick is on his feet Daryl wraps his arms around him tightly. "I'm sorry Rick, I'm so sorry. I just get pissed off and jealous and…I'm a little drunk"

Rick forgivingly returns the hug. He stops crying and breathes in Daryl's scent. That sweet scent that he's become so familiar with these past few months. He realizes how stupid he's been. How unresponsive he's been at times to Daryl's feelings for him, "You don't have to be jealous man, I…." He pauses for a moment unsure of what he's going to say next. "I care about you brother."

"Rick, I care about you too. Jesus Christ you saved my life man."

The two men embrace and hold each other tightly, enjoying this feeling. "Aww heck that was nothing man." Rick says softly into Daryl's ear. Daryl starts to cry and Rick strokes the back of his hair softly "Shhh. It's okay buddy. You're right you're just a little drunk." He laughs quietly. He moves his head and kisses Daryl tenderly on the side of the neck. Daryl feels a sensation go through his body like a warm breeze.

And it feels right.

Daryl pulls away and looks into Rick's blue eyes. Those eyes he feels that have bewitched him. He pictures Rick's heart all crowded and full inside with grief and emotions. "Rick what do you feel inside your heart for Shane? I mean.. is it just pain or…loss or…?"

Rick looks at Daryl, He pauses and thinks for a second before he responds,"I don't know," He says and he thinks to himself that ever since Shane died maybe no one will ever get inside to find out. Daryl's face fills with disappointment at his answer and Rick quickly tries to reassure Daryl, "But I know I care about you," He looks into Daryl's eyes and brushes a piece of Daryl's pretty dark blonde hair from his forehead, "And I love you brother."_  
_

Daryl breathes in and it almost feels like a sigh of relief. A tear rolls down his cheek, "I love you too." The disappointment in Daryl's face is replaced with contentment and he feels satiated by Rick's words. _It's a satisfaction that he's never felt before._

"Why don't you sleep here tonight?" Rick says

Daryl looks into Rick's intense blue eyes and nods.

Rick opens a desk drawer and tucks Shane's letter away in its rightful place again. He places his hand on Daryl's shoulder and quietly leads him to the bed. Daryl lies down and faces the wall as Rick turns out the light and gets in beside him. He pulls the covers up over both men. They lay in the darkness for a few moments in silence until it is broken by Daryl's voice.

"Is it me or is it the end of the world?" He asks Rick, his voice sweet and low.

Rick pauses for a second as his brain translates Daryl's drunken words and he knows exactly what Daryl means:"_Is it me you love because of me or is it just because the world ended?"_

He doesn't need to think about his answer. "It's you." He says, and both men fall softly asleep.


	7. Costco

Chapter 7

**Costco**

After staying several months at Fort Benning the group is down to their last MRE's. Rick and Daryl head out searching for more provisions today. But on this day they decide to go out looking further than they usually do. Perhaps for another place the group can stay. They take the Hyundai out as usual. Rick feels an attachment to the car for the most part because it was Shane's. In the car the two men talk and as they drive the conversation shifts to Andrea.

"What do you think? You think Andrea is still alive?" Rick asks Daryl, his hand gripping the wheel tightly.

"I don't know Carol seems to think so." Daryl says as he looks out the passenger window and plays with one of his arrows in his hands.

"Lori and T-Dog both said they saw her go down."

"All I know is that Carol says she has a gut feeling."

"Well I hope she is alive out there somewhere. If she is I don't know how we'd ever find her."

The two men come upon a Costco. Rick pulls the Hyundai into the parking lot and they both get out and stand in front of the doorway. Eerily deserted. Pristine looking and seemingly untouched. They stand and look at each other and then at the building towering over them like a ghostly icon from a past world. "Now there's something you don't see everyday isn't it?" Daryl asks Rick.

"They must have closed it down while everyone was in a panic." Rick says. The two men suddenly turn around when they hear the shuffling of footsteps behind them. "Walkers," Rick yells out and he puts his arm out in front of Daryl to shield him. "Stand back," He says as he holds up his gun.

"Rick we don't wanna attract any more," Daryl says before Rick has a chance to fire.

"You're right. We gotta get inside that store somehow." The walkers getting closer and closer as he speaks.

Daryl raises his cross bow, "I'll hold them off you go." Rick moves quickly towards the door fumbling around the glass to find a way inside but to no avail. "I can't hold them off much longer," Daryl says as he takes aim and shoots one directly in the head.

"How many you think there are?" Rick says looking over his shoulder still fumbling with the glass. His hands plucking at the metal frame around it.

"I dunno about 15?"

"Come on Daryl I gotta shoot it out," Rick says and he takes aim and shoots the glass. The bullets just puncture the glass weakening it and Rick hurls his body into it, shoulder first, like a battering ram. The glass breaks free and Rick tumbles inside. "Augh! He cries out in pain as a shard of glass goes into his calf muscle. Daryl holds his crossbow up and shoots one more walker before turning around and following Rick through the broken glass doors. "There's a gate!' Rick yells in the commotion, "Close it!" Daryl quickly sees the folded metal gate. He pulls it shut with all his might and locks it closed. He turns to look at Rick laying on the ground, bleeding and in pain.

"Rick!" He says as he goes towards him and falls to the ground on his knees beside him. Rick and Daryl both look down at the wound. Blood pouring out of it.

"Oh god Daryl," Rick says as he looks at Daryls face.

"It's alright Rick you're gonna be alright.," Daryl quickly rips Rick's pant leg open to get a better look at the cut. He sees a large shard of glass sticking out of Ricks hairy, skin. "I'm gonna have to pull it out" He says. Rick looks at him and nods, his face pale, his lips clenched from the pain. Daryl takes his jacket off to use it to stop the bleeding. He sets it down and then without hesitation pulls the piece of glass from Rick's leg.

"Argh!' Rick yells. Daryl wraps his jacket around Rick's leg and ties it tightly. He puts one hand under Ricks head and gently holds it up, his other hand on Rick's chest.

"You're gonna be just fine, stay with me now" Rick looks into Daryl's eyes silently and Daryl sees his face grow even paler as the blood rushes out of it. Daryl holds Rick for one more moment before Rick closes his eyes and slips into unconsciousness. Daryl gently strokes Ricks face and his hand, bloody from the wound, smears the crimson liquid on the side of Rick's cheek. He looks over his shoulder and sees the remaining walkers at the gate. Some reaching their arms through. Others appear to be gnawing at the metal that separates man from walker. Living from the dead. "God damn you fucking walkers!" He yells. He reaches down to the side of Rick's body and grabs his gun from its holster. He turns around and shoots all the remaining walkers in one swoop. A loud bang reverberating through the store with each shot as the walkers fall to the ground. He stands and looks through the gate doors and an eerie silence washes over everything. He hears the wind blowing through the cold metal gate and defeatedly drops to his knees. His arms stretched out in front of him, holding the gun between his legs. "Damn you fuckers," He says under his breath.


	8. I Would Never

Chapter 8

**I Would Never**

Daryl stands up and quickly goes back to Rick's side. "I gotta move him," He thinks to himself. After moving Rick to a safer place he searches the store to find everything he can to help Rick with. He grabs as much gauze and bandages that he can carry. He finds rubbing alcohol and a bottle of Gatorade. Finally he goes to the Pharmacy to get a bottle of pain killers and antibiotics. He knew exactly the right kind to get after years of having a drug addict for a brother. "Fuck it I'll just come back with a cart if I need more" He says. After he cleans and dresses Rick's wound he sits with him vigilantly waiting for him to wake up. He places Rick on a mattress. "We'll be safe here until Rick is able to walk," he thinks to himself. When Rick finally wakes up Daryl is there beside him. Rick groggily looks into Daryl's face

"My leg, how is it?" He says.

"You're gonna be fine buddy it's just a scratch I swear." Daryl says trying to comfort Rick and hide the concern in his voice. "Here take two of these." He hands Rick the bottle of pain killers and the bottle of Gatorade and Rick quickly swallows two pills down. He props Rick's head up with the palm of his hand and gently runs his other hand through Rick's hair.

"Boy that was something wasn't it?" Rick says and they both laugh. "I guess we're stuck here till we can figure something out."

"Yeah I guess so " Daryl says, secretly wishing they could stay like this forever. Alone and safe and close. Away from the group with no more bullshit and no one to answer to.

Later that night Daryl builds a fire in a large metal pot and the two men watch close beside it. Rick on the mattress and Daryl still at his side. They talk and eventually Daryl apologizes for the hundredth time for crumbling up Shane's suicide note.

"I'm so sorry about that Rick. I was so drunk and jealous."

"Hey don't worry about it brother I told you before. It's already forgotten."

"I know I just feel bad cuz you're right, that note is the last thing he left for you."

Rick gets a sad look on his face and Daryl looks at him and thinks about something he read in Shane's note that he never understood. "Thank you for coming back for me on that bus." He says out loud.

"What?" Rick says.

Daryl looks at him, "In Shane's note, he said, 'Thank you for coming back for me on the bus.' What did he mean by that?"

"Oh….yeah," Rick stares blankly and remembers the two walkers on the ground wearing police uniforms. "It was the two walkers I saw."

Daryl gives Rick a quizzical look, not understanding.

Rick continues, "Shane, he was trapped on a school bus by a group of walkers. We just had this wicked fight. A fist fight. He threw a wrench at me. Missed me by a mile. I was gonna take off with Randall and leave him. And then I saw the two walkers we killed earlier on the ground dead. They were in police uniforms. It made me think of me and him on the force in the old days and I just couldn't leave him," A tear rolls down his face and his mouth curls up and Rick starts to sob. "I just couldn't leave him."

"Shh of course you couldn't leave him Rick. God damn you think I could ever leave _you_? I wouldn't care how many wrenches you threw at me." He laughs and Rick manages a smile. It's a smile through pained eyes. Daryl can't stand to look and he turns his head and gazes into the crackling fire and it reminds him of the barn burning to the ground. "The night we lost the farm I thought it was you and Shane that started the fire in the barn." He says.

Rick looks at Daryl, "No..it was me and Carl. Shane was already gone." He says softly, his voice hoarse.

Daryl looks back at Rick. He has to ask him something he's wanted to know in a needling way ever since that night. "What happened that night Rick? Will you tell me? I mean I know you told us Shane staged the whole Randall thing but… I mean.. what happened between you two? "

Rick looks into the fire like he was in a trance and he slowly answers Daryl's question, "He tricked me. He told me he wanted to kill me because he wanted to be with Lori and Carl. He said they'd forget me because they had already done it once. He told me I had a weak boy. He said he could be a better father to Carl than I could. He made me believe he wanted me out of the picture."

As Daryl listens his heart breaks for Rick and he tries his best to comfort him, "But He didn't mean those things now Rick, you know he didn't mean them."

"I know." He says pausing "And maybe I even knew at the time. Maybe I wanted him to die." He chokes out the words.

"Rick that's not true and you know it. You said it yourself, you loved Shane. And he loved you a great deal," He reaches down and holds Rick's hand tightly, "Jesus Rick, no wonder you're so tore up inside. I wish I knew what to say. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better but I don't."

"I know Daryl, you've been the best friend a guy could have. You don't even have to say anything brother. Heck, when I asked you to overlook the search for Sophia you took full charge and didn't even question me, not even once. I won't forget that."

"Aw shit that's what friends are for buddy," Daryl laces his fingers with Rick's, "Rick I want you to know I would never do what Shane did to you, Hell if I wanna commit suicide I'll just do it myself." He laughs.

Rick smiles, he reaches up and hooks his finger under the cut-off sleeve of Daryl's shirt, "All those new shirts I got you," He says.

"Hell I was never one for dressy shit" He says as he gives Rick a grin. He leans down and gives Rick a soft kiss on the cheek and Rick breathes in that sweet smell of Daryl that he loves so much. But Daryl doesn't pull away this time. He lingers with his mouth close to Rick's face and kisses his cheek slowly again. Rick feels the softness of Daryl's lips against his skin. "How could he be so tough and yet so soft?" He thinks. Daryl finally pulls away and looks into Rick's blue eyes. Rick lovingly looks at Daryl's face, the dim light flickering on his skin. His dark blonde hair in small tufts coming down over his forehead. So handsome, so irresistible. Rick knows of Daryl's past. How he was abused and neglected as a child. He realizes how hard this must be for Daryl to show affection like this and he knows that Daryl must really love him to trust him the way he does; to give love and to receive it. But they are safe and alone now. Away from the prying eyes of the group and any judgment. Rick reaches behind Daryl's head and strokes the back of his hair. He gazes into Daryl's eyes with a look that lets Daryl know it's alright. "Daryl I'm sorry I didn't tell the group everyone was infected. I thought it was for the best. I tried to do everything right and I fai.."

"Shhh" Daryl places a finger on Rick's lips cutting him off before he can finish. He shakes his head and he finally leans in and places a kiss on Rick's mouth. Rick stops talking and returns the kiss deeply. He feels Daryl's tongue against his. The two men melt into one another, so perfect, so right. The wind blows through the metal gate, the fire crackles and the night drifts away from them.


	9. My Daryl

Chapter 9

**My Daryl**

The next day Rick is able to walk on his leg again and the two men decide to collect supplies to bring back to Fort Benning. Their intimacy for each other is now confirmed. Daryl pushes a large shopping cart through the aisles as Rick cautiously picks out what to take.

"We don't have much room in the Hyundai so we need to choose what we're gonna take carefully." Rick says as he pulls down a large can of canned food from the shelf.

"I'm glad we came across this place though cuz we were almost out of MRE's"

"Yeah we're real lucky." Rick says laughing sarcastically. Daryl doesn't laugh and Rick wonders what he's thinking.

"Hey, earth to Daryl. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Daryl looks at Rick, "I was just thinking about that time in the woods when we cut open that walker to make sure it hadn't eaten…" His voice trails off

"Sophia? Yeah..and it was just a… woodchuck." Both men say the word "woodchuck" in unison and they laugh. Mostly just laughing at the stupidity of this gruesome new world. Of what they have to deal with now. "Yeah I try not to think about that. I bet if Shane was there with us he woulda been sick." He laughs.

A guilty look goes over Daryl's face and he runs his fingers through his dark blonde hair. "Ya know I beat the shit out of Randall…..to protect the farm and we lost it anyways." He says regretfully.

Rick looks into Daryl's eyes "Hey listen we all made some tough decisions. Maybe they weren't all the right decisions. Maybe we fucked up with Randall but we won't make that mistake again now."

"Yeah" Daryl says as he grabs a box of cereal from the shelf. He stops pushing the cart and looks at Rick, "You know Dale came to talk to me before he was killed." Rick looks at Daryl listening intently. "I think he wanted me to talk you out of shooting Randall. He told me I'm a decent man just like you. I told him the group was broken."

"So you're the one that said that."

"Well it was because of you that I said that but not like…..like." He says stumbling over his words, "I meant it's broken because you're the leader and you believed whatever Shane said. You were blinded by him, you went along with whatever he said."

"'Love is blind,' I guess that's true. Hm some leader I am," Rick says. He looks Daryl in the eyes and asks something he's been meaning to ask for quite some time, "You never liked Shane did you?"

"I never really got to know him." He pauses, "You know I knew all along that Shane killed Otis but I never knew he did it for you because he loved you. It makes sense to me now. I woulda done it for you. Heck I was out there lookin for Sophia for you and I didn't even know why." He places a hand on Rick's shoulder, "But now I know why." Rick looks at Daryl and feels a sense of pride. "Rick, by putting me in charge of looking for Sophia it forced me to step up and you gave me a sense of purpose man. It helped me a lot." He says sincerely. "Rick, you are a good leader, don't ever let anyone tell you any different."

"Really, is that your brain or your dick talking?" He laughs and playfully grabs Daryl's crotch.

"You!" Daryl says as he teasingly pushes Rick. Rick grabs Daryl and they wrestle to the floor laughing. Rick pins Daryl, straddling his body face to face holding both his wrists to the ground.

"You make me feel like a kid again." He says looking down at Daryl, their noses practically touching.

"Yeah well you've hypnotized me with those eyes." He says as he flashes Rick one of his subtle smiles. A smile he uses only for Rick.

"What eyes?" Rick asks modestly.

"Here, close your eyes," Daryl says and Rick closes his eyes. Daryl lifts his head off the floor, "These eyes," He says and he kisses Rick gently and slowly on each eyelid.

Rick opens his eyes and looks at Daryl's face lovingly, "Oh Daryl, what would I have done without you?" He tousles Daryl's hair. "…_My_ Daryl," He says softly.

As Daryl hears the words he feels like he's being healed. For the first time in his life Daryl feels whole and all the pain from the neglect and abuse melts away.

Rick lets go of Daryl's wrists and both men sit up on the floor. "You know we never had a funeral for Shane." Daryl says, thinking that a funeral for Shane might help give Rick closure.

"No we didn't."

"Would you want one?" He looks at Rick's face hanging on his answer.

"Yeah, I think that would be nice."

Daryl suddenly looks over Rick's shoulder and notices a sign hanging over one of the aisles: "Fishing & Wildlife." He gets up and quickly walks towards the aisle while Rick follows him. Daryl's mouth drops open and he stands in awe when he sees a large display case and shelves full of hundreds of boxes of arrowheads. He picks up one of the boxes and reads the package: "Killzone Cut On Contact Broadhead 100 Grain," He looks at Rick, "Holy shit, score!"

"I bet you could do some damage to some walkers with those." Rick says and Daryl looks back at him with a grin on his face from ear to ear.


	10. Two Way Radio

Chapter 10

**Two-Way Radio**

Rick and Daryl continue collecting supplies until the cart is almost full to the top. "I want to go to the electronics section before we leave," Rick says.

"Electronics what for?"

"I want to pick up a two-way radio for us just in case."

"Oh good idea"

In the electronics section Rick reaches up and grabs a two way radio from the shelf. He looks at the front of the package and reads to himself: _Motorola_ _36-Mile Two-Way Radio (Pair) (Black/Silver)_ "These were the same kind we had at the farm," He says out loud to Daryl. He closes his eyes and pictures the farm house in his mind. The air is warm but cool and the white paint of the house gleaming in the sun. The group is all there, care free and together, smiling and laughing. They are having a barbeque and Shane is there. Shane looks at Rick and smiles. Rick's daydream is interrupted by Daryl's voice.

"Rick do you want to take these?" Daryl says as he holds up a giant pack of men's white crew socks.

"Oh, Sure throw them in." Daryl throws the pack of socks in the cart and the two men head off. They walk over the dead corpses of walkers by the gate and make their way back to the Hyundai carefully. There is no sign of walkers. It's daylight and the sun is out in full force. The smell of spring is in the air. They load up the Hyundai as quickly and quietly as they can. Before they head off Rick opens the package of walkie talkies and plugs the charge port adapter into the car.

On the road Daryl decides to take advantage of the time to make a confession to Rick

"You know the story of the Cherokee rose?"

"Yeah I think I've heard of it. The flower?"

"Yeah..I gave carol a Cherokee rose that I found by an old house looking for Sophia. I told her some bullshit story about how I thought the flower bloomed for Sophia but it was to try to make her feel better. I just wanted to give her hope."

"Of course you did and that's what I love about you Daryl." He reaches across to the passenger side with one arm and brushes his fingers through Daryl's hair "So soft" He thinks to himself. "You've touched everyone in the group just like Shane has. Better than Shane has." Daryl looks at Rick and smiles.

As they drive down the road suddenly the walkie talkie crackles and a familiar voice comes through. "Hello is anyone out there?" Rick and Daryl look at each other almost in shock "Holy shit that's Andrea!" Rick says and he quickly grabs the device and excitedly presses the talk button. "Hello? Hello Andrea is that you?"

"Hello? Yes, oh god, yes it's me. Rick?"

Rick presses on the brake and slowly stops the car so as not to lose the signal. "Yes it's me; I'm in the Hyundai with Daryl we got held up looking for supplies. Where are you?"

"I'm at a house on 400 Bleckley Avenue." She says speaking slow and clear. The emotion in Andrea's voice is immeasurable and Rick knows she must have been through a great ordeal to have survived so long on her own without the group. Rick looks at Daryl and snaps his fingers. Daryl immediately punches the address into the GPS. The two men lean in and look at the screen, "I got it Andrea, it's about 20 miles out. We're on our way. Are you okay?" Rick says.

"Yes! Yes! I'm fine I can't believe it." Her voice full of excitement and disbelief. "I didn't think I would ever talk to you again."

"Hold tight Andrea we're on our way!" When Rick and Daryl pull up to the house Andrea comes out and runs towards Rick. She jumps into his arms and gives him the biggest hug he's ever had in his life. Her legs wrap around his body and he shakes her up and down.

"Rick I can't believe this am I dreaming?"

"No you're not dreaming"

She let's go and immediately does the same thing with Daryl hugging him tightly. She looks thin and pale but just as beautiful as ever.

In the car Andrea tells Rick and Daryl the story of how she survived on her own. She had holed up inside the house, barricaded herself in. She had the walkie talkie in the bag of guns that she took with her when she got separated from the group. She had tried everyday to connect to someone, anyone. But with no success until today.

"It's a fucking miracle" Daryl says. She explained how she had managed to survive the winter. She searched several houses until she had found one with an emergency shelter in its basement. It had a door she could close and lock to sleep there safely. The shelter room was stocked up with a supply of non perishable food items. Enough to last Andrea several months.

The three of them talk in the car until Andrea finally notices the difference between them. "You two have grown closer I can tell" she says.

"Oh yeah this one here is my main man" Rick says as he reaches over and pats Daryl on the shoulder.

"And what about Shane?" She asks. "How is he?"

Rick and Daryl get silent. A feeling of uneasiness comes over Rick "How am I gonna explain to her about Shane?" He thinks to himself. "Shane didn't make it." He looks over at Daryl. "We lost him the night we lost the farm." He says.

"Oh my god." Andrea says as she slumps back in her seat. A tear rolls down her cheek. She thinks about her time with Shane. The few moments they shared together. She had a feeling that in the long run they would never really be together. Now that feeling is confirmed. She suddenly feels a sense of sadness, not for herself but for Rick. She knew how close they were. "Rick I am so sorry." She says. Rick holds the steering wheel, looks at the road ahead and drives.

When they return to the complex Daryl walks through the doors of the kitchen first to find everyone at the table eating dinner. Everyone gets up excitedly to give Daryl a hug and the room is filled with disorder as Daryl holds up his hands and speaks "Wait, wait now you're not gonna believe this but we brought back a shitload of supplies and guess what else?" The group looks at him confused. "Hold on to your drawers we have one hell of a surprise for you." He looks back, waves his arm and Andrea walks through the door. The room fills with commotion and excitement as everyone crowds around Andrea in disbelief at her return. Rick walks in and looks at Daryl the two men just gaze at each other and smile. Rick feels that this is one of the most joyful moments he's felt since the world ended. After Lori gets her chance to greet Andrea she walks over to Rick and hugs him. Her pregnant belly presses against Rick. She pulls away and concernedly looks down at the bandage on his leg. "What happened? I was so worried," She says.

Rick strokes her long dark hair. He leans in and whispers in her ear, "I'll tell you later." After everyone says their hellos, Andrea joins the group for dinner. Understandably, she eats her meal like she's never eaten before.

Later Andrea would find out the whole story from Rick, the truth about what happened to Shane. He would explain everything to her about how Shane died, about the suicide note he left. Andrea understood and it made the two closer than ever as friends.


	11. Shane's Funeral

Chapter 11

**Shane's Funeral**

The next evening at dinner Daryl proposes the idea of a funeral for Shane to the group. Everyone agrees that is the appropriate thing to do considering the circumstances of Shane's death. Daryl knows this will help Rick overcome his grief. He makes all the arrangements and when the time comes the group gathers around.

It was more a memorial than a funeral since they had no body and no real plot. Just a place on the ground near the complex that Rick had marked with a large stone. He painted the words "Shane Walsh" in black paint that he picked up in the supplies from Costco. Under Shane's name Rick painted the words "I miss you forever. Will see you soon."

Andrea steps forward and talks, "Shane taught me how to shoot. How to fight for myself. If it wasn't for Shane I probably wouldn't be here now. He was my friend," She says sadly as she looks down at the marker on the ground.

Carol steps forward and tells the story of how Shane comforted her after Sophia's death. How he washed her hands by the well. One by one everyone shares a different Shane story except Daryl who was only here for Rick. After everyone in the group has a chance to talk Rick finally steps forward and speaks.

"Everyone thought Shane was dangerous but I knew deep down the only person he was dangerous to was himself and I ignored it," A tear rolls down his cheek as he starts to cry, "And I killed him….yes I killed him," He says crying, "He wasn't a bad guy he was just his own worst enemy. Deep down he knew how much I cared for him."

Lori stands in silence looking at Rick. Her hand resting on Carl's shoulder. Her heart breaks for Rick and she doesn't know how to feel. So she leaves with Carl. One by one everyone leaves until Rick stands with only Daryl in front of the marker.

"Do you think we'll ever see each other again?" He asks Daryl as he looks down at the marker.

"I suppose the next life is just as good as any" Daryl says. "I'll let you be alone," He pats Rick on the shoulder and quietly walks away leaving Rick by himself at the marker.

Rick looks down at the marker and starts to speak as if he were talking directly to Shane. "I'd have lost Carl if it wasn't for you, Shane. I will always love you for that." He wipes his tears away with his sleeve, "Shane I saw what this world did to you that's why I kept giving you other chances. Heck that's why I forgave you about Lori and I still forgive you. To be honest Shane you were the one that was right about everything. You were right about Sophia. She was dead all along even though I hoped against everything that she was still alive." Rick pauses about to say something that he never wanted to admit to when Shane was alive, "And you were right about me. I can't keep them safe." His tears stream down his face and he tastes the salt. "Of course I can't keep them safe alone. I need you to help me." He bends over and places his hands on his knees. "I guess there's nothing to do about it now except to say goodbye." He stands back up straight and tall. He looks up at the sky. It's clear and blue and he thinks about Daryl. He doesn't know what he would have done without Daryl here. Daryl his best friend. Daryl, who's been here for him the whole time. Daryl even looks after Carl sometimes now. "Just like Shane," Rick thinks to himself. He pushes the thought away because he knows that Daryl isn't Shane. He never will be Shane. But he loves Daryl just the same. It's a different kind of love though. One that is more open and on his sleeve. Could it be that Rick is happier now than before? Shane made him miserable at times. And despite the few disagreements Rick and Daryl have had, overall they are happy together. They have fun together. With Shane it was always push and pull. Wax and wayne. Hello and….goodbye. And that's how their relationship finally ended. Goodbye for good. Goodbye forever. It's a word Rick knows all too well now. "Goodbye Shane," He says under his breath as he walks away from the grave marker.


	12. You Healed Me

Chapter 12

**You Healed Me**

Days pass and Rick is on edge knowing that Lori is about to have the baby any day now. It's late and Rick and Daryl decide to sneak out of the complex together to talk for a while. It's Rick's chance to be alone with Daryl after all the lingering excitement from Andrea's return. As they walk, they talk about Andrea's amazing return and how lucky they were to have found her. They talk about life on the complex at Fort Benning. They talk about times past on the farm.

Daryl starts to reminisce about his search for Sophia. "When I was out lookin for her I came across a small house. There was a closet with a blanket inside it like someone had been sleeping in there. I thought I was gonna find her. I wanted to find her alive so bad for you Rick. So the group could move on. But mostly for you. I saw how tore up you were. And how much you blamed yourself for her being missing. Rick, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing. You did everything you could to help save her. But this is a crazy world we live in and sometimes things just don't work out. The odds are against us."

"Thank you Daryl." He says as he gives Daryl a hug and kisses him softly on the lips, "You always say the right thing and that's what I love about you," He runs his fingers over the side of Daryl's cheek.

"We have each other now. I'll do everything in my power to help you Rick"

""I'm here for _you_ Daryl. For anything you need, just ask."

"I don't want to come between you and Lori," Daryl says, as he looks down at the ground and kicks the pavement.

"Lori and I were having our problems before the world went to shit. Long before you came into the picture Daryl, trust me."

Daryl looks up and gazes into Rick's blue eyes, "You know, there is something you can do for me. Promise me you won't be so hard on yourself all the time."

"Alright I promise." Rick says amused.

"Hey, you said to me before that I make you feel like a kid again, you're gonna _need_ to feel like a kid cuz you got a baby coming soon buddy." Daryl says laughing.

"I know…. Shane's baby."

"Now you don't know that for sure Rick." Daryl says.

Rick looks into Daryl's eyes and a faint smile comes across his lips, "I _hope_ it's Shane's baby," He confesses. Daryl looks into Rick's eyes and they _twinkle_. He nods in understanding agreement as he reaches out and holds Rick's hand.

"Come on we gotta get back, it's starting to get dark out here." Rick says. Rick walks ahead with Daryl in tow a few steps behind. Rick thinks about his relationship with Daryl now. How different it is from the one he had with Shane. He had always thought that in some way Shane completed him and that he needed that. But now he feels that Daryl accepts him in a way that Shane never did. An epiphany suddenly comes over him. "I never needed someone to complete me I only ever needed someone who would accept me completely." He thinks to himself. A feeling of calmness comes over him. Weaving in between the abandoned cars as they walk. The two men get close to the complex when suddenly Daryl hears a hiss from behind him and he turns around in shock as he sees a walker come up on him. Its mouth open. With no time to react the walker immediately bites Daryl on the side of the neck. Its teeth puncture his jugular vein and an enormous amount of blood instantly runs from the wound.

"Rick!" Daryl screams before falling to the ground.

Rick quickly turns around and before his brain can even process what just happened he holds up his gun and shoots the walker in the head right between the eyes. "Noooo!" He screams as he runs towards Daryl and drops to his knees beside him. He lifts Daryl's head with his hand but it's too late. Rick holds Daryl's hand tightly. Daryl looks up into Rick's blue eyes and slowly chokes out his final words, "Rick…. you healed me." Daryl's face suddenly goes pale-white and expressionless. A trickle of blood pours out of the corner of his mouth. Rick looks down and feels Daryl's body go limp as the life goes out of it. He shakes Daryl's motionless body but he is unresponsive. "Daryl no! Daryl! My Daryl!" He sobs as he cups Daryl's head between both his hands and shakes it. The blood flowing from his neck. "You're okay, you're gonna be fine buddy." He says as he picks him up in his arms. Daryl's arms fall limp and lifeless, dangling like a rag doll. He carries Daryl's body a few steps before the weight takes over. Rick falls to his knees and Daryl's body hits the ground, "Daryl noooooo!" He sobs, "Not you too, not like this. Don't leave me first. God please!" He begs. He picks Daryl's body up again and carries him mercifully back to the complex. He lays Daryl's body on a table. The group crowds around in shock as they see Daryl's dead body. A man once so full of life, now unmoving and inert. Rick crumples over Daryl's dead body. He places his elbows on the table and clasps his hands as if he were praying for Daryl to return to this earth. Herschel walks over and places a hand on Rick's shoulder.

"You're in shock son you need to rest."

Rick looks up at Herschel with bloodshot eyes, "It happened so fast, I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to him." He says softly.

"I know son, rest now," His voice calm.

Rick stares emotionless at the wall, his clothes covered in Daryl's blood. He looks back at Daryl's dead body on the table. "It's you Daryl, There'll never be anyone else," He says as he runs his hand through Daryl's soft hair. The room falls silent except for the quiet sobs from the group. Rick pulls his hand away from Daryl's body when suddenly there is movement. Everyone in the group backs away from the table in fright as Daryl's dead body quickly comes back to life. Rick backs away from the table. The familiar gurgling noise of a walker escapes from Daryl's lips and he turns his head to look at the group.

Glen steps towards Rick, "You want me to take care of it?" He asks as he looks at Rick.

"No I'll do it." Rick says solemnly as he takes his gun from its holster and aims directly at Daryl's head. He pauses for a moment unable to shoot, watching with eyes as cold as steel as Daryl sits up slowly from the table. Daryl reaches his arms out in front of him. His mouth opens and a horrible growling sound comes out. Daryl's legs swing over the side of the table. Rick stares blankly and detached at the walker in front of him; he knows it's not Daryl anymore. Rick takes a deep breath and manages with every ounce of his being to speak his next words, "I'll remember you Daryl, for the rest of my life." He says as he pulls the trigger.


	13. I'm Keeping Them Together

Chapter 13

**I'm Keeping Them Together**

"It's a boy!" Herschel exclaimed as he delivered Lori's baby.

The baby boy had Dark curly hair and Shane's unmistakable nose.

After the baby was cleaned and dressed and everyone in the group had time to say their congratulations to the excited couple, Rick and Lori finally had some time to relax alone with their new little one. Lori sits up in the bed holding the baby while it sleeps peacefully in her arms. Rick stands beside the bed ogling over it.

"I don't think there's any doubt the baby is Shane's," Rick says as he looks into Lori's face lovingly.

Carl stands in the doorway shyly. "I guess we can't name him Sophia like I wanted to."

"No, I guess not sweetie," Lori says

"So what are you gonna name him?"

Lori looks at Rick with understanding eyes, "Shane?"

"No," Rick reaches down and cups the baby's head, "His name is Daryl," He says with confidence.

"Daryl…I like that," Lori says.

"Come on in Carl. Come meet your new little baby Brother, Daryl." Rick says as Carl comes into the room excitedly.

"Can I hold him?"

"Of course you can, just hold his head up." Rick says. Lori carefully hands Carl the baby as she looks at Rick and smiles.

"So what's next?" She says.

Rick knows he can't stay in this place with the lingering memory of Daryl. It's too painful for him. "It's time to move on" Rick says

The next day Rick arranges a meeting of everyone in the group. Every person sits around the kitchen table looking at Rick waiting for an explanation. He has the map laid out on the table.

"I know we haven't gathered like this in a while to talk about something together. Last time was probably when we discussed Randall's execution." His mind drifts back to that day when he had planned to execute Randall. He thinks about how all the events didn't really go the way he had intended back then. A feeling of guilt comes over him at all the mistakes he made in the past until he hears a voice inside his head: "Try not to be so hard on yourself all the time." A wounded smile appears on his lips and he continues. "We've stayed here at Fort Benning a lot longer than I had planned and I think it's time we moved on. Now I've been looking at the map and there's a prison not far from here."

"A prison? do you think that's a good idea?" Carol says.

"It's a great idea when you think about it and it makes perfect sense." He says with assurance, "In a prison we can lock out any threat of walkers. They might have land where we can plant food and live a more sustainable life. There also might be others out there. Good people like us. I don't know that for sure but we've got to take a chance. In Sheriff School they taught us how to survive. We went through training to learn all kinds of things and deal with situations but you don't need training to know that there's got to be others out there," He says making his case.

Glenn and T-Dog start to talk about returning to the Costco. Ever since Rick returned from there the two of them have been trying to get Rick to take them there and pick out more supplies.

"I'll never go back to that Costco. Too many memories." Rick thinks to himself remembering his first kiss with Daryl as Glenn and T-Dogg argue. "Listen guys, we can't keep depending on stuff that we know is gonna run out eventually," Rick says interrupting the commotion, "We gotta start to plant our _own_ food, make our _own_ clothes. Make a life for ourselves. We know this _thing_, these walkers… it isn't gonna end. It's never gonna pass over like some storm we need to wait out. We need to get out there and dance in the rain." The room falls silent as everyone in the group looks at Rick. "Now I need to know who's with me."

The tension builds as he feels the spotlight on him. A single bead of sweat drips down the side of his temple. Deep down he knows this is the right thing to do. He takes a moment to reflect on Daryl's handsome face. How much he will miss him. The short time they had together. "It won't change a thing to cry about it anymore. To cry over any friend that's died," He thinks to himself.

Andrea speaks up and breaks the awkward silence in the room first, "He's right, the prison sounds like a good idea and there's got to be others like us. Like our Atlanta camp or the farm." She says as she looks around the group sitting at the table. "I'm with you," She says as she looks at Rick.

Lori places a hand on Carl's shoulder, cradling the baby in her other arm, as they both stand up. "_Of course_ were with you," She says with conviction as she holds the baby tightly and looks at Rick. Her brown eyes forever understanding. Forever forgiving. Forever loving.

Glenn and Maggie hold hands and stand up together, "We're with you Rick," Glenn says. They look into each other's eyes and she nods her head as a single tear falls from her cheek. Glenn cradles her face with his hands and gently wipes the tear away with his thumb. Rick smiles and looks into Glenn's eyes. He sees a confidence in him like never before. He's grown so fast in such a short time and Maggie has given him strength, Rick thinks to himself.

Herschel and Beth both stand, "We're with you son," Herschel says, his voice low and calm, his arm around Beth's shoulder. There's a sadness in his eyes as he thinks of the family members that he's lost.

T-Dog stands up, "I'm with you bro. You're a stand-up guy and I trust you."

Everyone looks at Carol being the last one to speak. "Well I can't stay here by myself." She says as she stands up and everyone laughs.

"It's settled then. We'll start packing tonight. I want everyone to pack as light as you can. Don't bring anything that you don't absolutely need." Rick says as everyone breaks up and starts to leave the table to go pack. "I'm gonna need you enormously. Every one of you." Rick calls out before everyone leaves, "We need to stick together." Rick says as he looks at everyone. The group nods back in agreement.

It took everyone two days to pack everything. The group is ready to leave. Rick stands with Lori in front of the Hyundai and they both look at the complex. Rick puts his arm around Lori and she holds the baby. "I just need to get one more thing. Wait for me in the car." Rick says to Lori.

"Okay we'll be here." She says as she opens the car door and puts the baby in its car seat.

Rick walks down the hallway and goes into his special room that he set up for nights he wanted to be alone. He looks around the room at the bed and thinks about the night him and Daryl slept together when Daryl was so drunk. He pulls out a giant sharpie that he had brought back with the supplies from Costco, and writes on the wall in large letters: "We lived here. There were 11 of us. Then there were only 10. Now there are 11 again. Going to find a place to stay." He turns and sits down at the desk in the room. He reaches over, opens a desk drawer and looks down at Shane's suicide note. He carefully takes out the note and places it on the desktop. He holds the note up and slowly runs his other hand over the paper. His fingertips tracing over the creases from when Daryl crumpled the note. In these several months the writing is already starting to fade a bit. "I'm keeping them together, Shane. Just like you asked me to," He says. He folds the note back up carefully. He places it inside a Ziploc bag and puts it in his front shirt pocket. He gets up from the desk, "Goodbye Daryl," he whispers as he leaves the room and closes the door.

Back outside Maggie and Glenn sit in the back seat of the Hyundai with the baby's car seat between them. "We ready?" Rick says as he looks over his shoulder.

"Ready as we'll ever be." Maggie says.

Rick reaches over to the passenger side and brushes his hand through Lori's long brown hair. She smiles at him lovingly as he turns the key and drives off with the others in tow. "It's the start of a new life." He says as grips the steering wheel tightly.

In the background in some strange, dark place the new world that they now live in smiles an evil smile and laughs at Rick.

The End


End file.
